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Honestly speaking, I can hardly believe 2009 is over already. Felt like it was only yesterday that I made my 2009 Resolutions, some of which are fulfilled and some... dreadfully neglected.
It's become a tradition somewhat for me to make resolutions every new year - if you scroll back my posts you'll see one of my older ones (there won't be many since this is a relatively young blog). I think the one before 2009 is 2008 or something, I'm not too sure. It's been a heck of a long time since I last blogged here, which I'll explain later in a bit.
So here I am again, on January 1, 2010 - the time at the corner of my macbook is reading 2:37am - typing away before the screen.
Now there's a reason why I am typing so wickedly early in the morning. I had originally planned to get this post out way, waaay, before midnight. Or at least, I thought, half an hour after midnight max. Alas, as most things in life, rarely is it that events go the way we plan - as I evidenced myself today, for the n-th time.
What happened that delayed my typing?
I'm not entirely sure of how many people are reading this, and while my gender as a female I assume can be easily gathered simply by reading the name on the right corner of this blog, and therefore what I am about to confess should by all means and purposes be considered natural consequences, I can't help feeling a trifle embarrassed over it. But, there is no getting around it so I'll just shoot right to the point.
It's become a tradition somewhat for me to make resolutions every new year - if you scroll back my posts you'll see one of my older ones (there won't be many since this is a relatively young blog). I think the one before 2009 is 2008 or something, I'm not too sure. It's been a heck of a long time since I last blogged here, which I'll explain later in a bit.
So here I am again, on January 1, 2010 - the time at the corner of my macbook is reading 2:37am - typing away before the screen.
Now there's a reason why I am typing so wickedly early in the morning. I had originally planned to get this post out way, waaay, before midnight. Or at least, I thought, half an hour after midnight max. Alas, as most things in life, rarely is it that events go the way we plan - as I evidenced myself today, for the n-th time.
What happened that delayed my typing?
I'm not entirely sure of how many people are reading this, and while my gender as a female I assume can be easily gathered simply by reading the name on the right corner of this blog, and therefore what I am about to confess should by all means and purposes be considered natural consequences, I can't help feeling a trifle embarrassed over it. But, there is no getting around it so I'll just shoot right to the point.
I had my period. Which, if I ever make a dictionary specifically for references as to my life, under the word "period" there will definitely be the following definition:
"complete and utter hell in which I spend a minimum of five hours of my life, with all sorts of pains as company, and during which time I am unable to do absolutely anything".
The whole shiite started at 6pm - and went on until close to 12 midnight. (or is 00:00 more appropriate??)
And today, out of all the other times where I do have it, just so happens to be one of the most horrific ones ever - because it was so painful, I threw up. Twice.
Thing is, I wouldn't have minded so much if after that I immediately felt well again, but no.
I drank what must have been like tons of tea just to get my stomach to calm down. I only hope next month isn't going to be as crap. I think the last time I ever throw up because of my period was six months ago. So fingers crossed that the next time will also at least not be until another six months, if it honestly cannot be evaded.
Before you ask why I don't simply take pills to ease the pain, I'll answer that: it's because my overprotective mother doesn't trust those pills (she believes they will do me more harm than good, and since she did train to become a doctor, I do feel she knows what she's talking about). Also, it seems to be an infliction I inherited from her side of the family. She had it when she was my age, and perhaps worse because she used to faint whenever she gets it, and my grandmother had it too. And there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with me other than the fact that I experience severe pains while I'm at it - so I suppose it's just one of those things I'll have to bear for being a female.
Moving on then to the actual reason behind this particular post - which is my 2010 Resolutions. Before I go into that, I thought I should explain more on what happened with some of my 2009 ones, and reflecting on my life in kaleidoscope for 2009.
I'll start first with what I did manage to achieve:
As for what I did not manage to achieve (read: completely failed) are as below:
Out of those four, what I really regret is not being able to finish the novel. I had made a timeline for expected dates of finished chapters - but I couldn't do it. And I hate it, because this was in fact, one of my priorities last year.
On the books on my reading list, this too I regret. The reason why I failed to do this, is because looking back, work really did got out of hand - that on weekends I simply didn't have the energy to read up on those list, and instead, ventured to other reading materials which are lighter and comforting.
Another thing is my character development. I had several major fights with my mother this year - and I really do mean, major. I regret that this had to happen, and I regret that I wasn't able to control my emotions better during those tense moments. While admittedly there are certain family issues which triggered these fights, and while objectively-speaking, I honestly do feel that I was justified to have been angry - at the same time I believe I should have been better. Because no matter what had happened, clearly I had the ability to stop myself from doing what I know I would later regret.
Also on character development is my tendency to procrastinate. One would never guess it of me, and perhaps, if I mention it hardly anyone would believe that I do this. But it's true. I procrastinate. I don't procrastinate badly in that I end up making a muck of my responsibilities - thankfully I've been able to meet everyone of them as well as the deadlines. But I can't deny that I could have exerted more effort and more time on all of those things, and thereby getting a much more satisfactory result. This includes taking the time to keep in touch with contacts, which is also an area of problem for me.
Specifically, the problem is with me in being able to respond promptly, which I don't. Or if I do, I can count it with the fingers on my hands. The reason, often, is because I couldn't find the words to say in response. And if I do find them, I'd think they were insufficient to be a response, and I'd then wait until inspiration strikes and I can come up with a good and worthy response.
Obviously, this isn't something I should make of a habit, because I may not have as much luxury in the future to prolong responses like this.
On work, which still relates to character development - I've been seriously challenged this year by a certain colleague in particular. Let's call the colleague 'person' to maintain neutrality.
Person, is an unbelievable human. I would hate for you to misunderstand me so I'm making it clear that I don't actually mean that in a good way. Person is unbelievable, because person has managed to show me that one can truly be so absorbed, so blind, so self-righteous, and so stubborn, that change is virtually an impossibility - if there ever is an impossibility. Working with person, for many hours and days, formed quite the major part of my 2009, constructed many of the laboring pains therein as well, but in hindsight, also forced me to learn extremely hard.
I've lost count of the many times I came home feeling inconceivably mad and ranted off online using very impolite words and expressions (fortunately not here so you're saved from reading those), and relayed every incident to my closest circle. I think I can verify that I'm not the one who's bonkers in all the drama, because everyone I know who also knows Person apparently shares my thoughts. I can therefore only conclude that Person is the one who is mad.
But now that Person is no longer there, while I feel a gratifying sense of relief, I also feel loss. Because now that I am not forced to learn by other events outside of myself, or that the lesson is not directly visible before my eyes, I have to force myself to learn them, and will myself to be trying just as hard, just as tiring, as when Person was there to challenge me.
Maybe that's why people say 'Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer' - because it's one's enemies who truthfully put variety in your life, and shift you from your comfort zone. And we need that.
Below is a photo of my old agenda, which I got for free off a magazine:
And here are some excerpts of my life in there:
Aaand another one:
This year, I couldn't find any magazine which offered agendas of good quality for free like last year :( So I've bought this one:
and this is what the inside looks like:
Clearly it is SIGNIFICANTLY and MAJORLY different from the one I used last year. It's smaller, which means I have less space to write in, but also means it is more compact so a lot more versatile to carry around. One thing I don't like about this agenda is that it doesn't have a big monthly outline - which means its harder for me to be able to schedule things as clear as last year when I could see the big picture for each month.
Change is inevitable though so I might as well deal with it.
Based on the aforementioned reflections, I now write myself the following Resolutions for 2010:
It is my hope and aim to be able to tick off everything on that list above. If God Wills it, next year I may be able to do that.
The clock is now reading 4:06am, and lest I sign off now and go to bed, I'm already going to violate Resolution #8 lol, so I'm going.
"Suspect each moment, for it is a thief, tiptoeing away with more than it brings" - John Updike.
And today, out of all the other times where I do have it, just so happens to be one of the most horrific ones ever - because it was so painful, I threw up. Twice.
Thing is, I wouldn't have minded so much if after that I immediately felt well again, but no.
I drank what must have been like tons of tea just to get my stomach to calm down. I only hope next month isn't going to be as crap. I think the last time I ever throw up because of my period was six months ago. So fingers crossed that the next time will also at least not be until another six months, if it honestly cannot be evaded.
Before you ask why I don't simply take pills to ease the pain, I'll answer that: it's because my overprotective mother doesn't trust those pills (she believes they will do me more harm than good, and since she did train to become a doctor, I do feel she knows what she's talking about). Also, it seems to be an infliction I inherited from her side of the family. She had it when she was my age, and perhaps worse because she used to faint whenever she gets it, and my grandmother had it too. And there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with me other than the fact that I experience severe pains while I'm at it - so I suppose it's just one of those things I'll have to bear for being a female.
Moving on then to the actual reason behind this particular post - which is my 2010 Resolutions. Before I go into that, I thought I should explain more on what happened with some of my 2009 ones, and reflecting on my life in kaleidoscope for 2009.
I'll start first with what I did manage to achieve:
- passed the bar exam (although I really did think that I was going to fail this,... I could've sworn I wasn't going to pass the bloody thing...)
- read some of the books on my reading list
- explore legal writing at work
- learned a lot from several considerable cases
- managed to now drive not so much like a maniac: (I am now a much calmer driver thank you,: I don't fight with insane bus drivers whose perpetual goal is to overtake every other driver out there, I don't bully motorcycles into moving to where they rightly belong which is the LEFT side of the road (because this is simply out of my hands, and I now accept with much disdain that there is just nothing I can do to make them go where I want them to go), I don't swear or flip off so much hahaha,, although I can't seem to resist honking at idiot drivers yet...)
- managed to balance my time quite well between all my activities: coaching, assisting once in a while in the World Bank's small projects, studying for the bar exam, working, reading up on all the things on my list, writing
As for what I did not manage to achieve (read: completely failed) are as below:
- secure where I want to go for master's
- finish the novel I am trying to write (After the Fog Clears)
- read up on some of the more important books I had set my eyes on early this year
- be more diligent on executing my activities
Out of those four, what I really regret is not being able to finish the novel. I had made a timeline for expected dates of finished chapters - but I couldn't do it. And I hate it, because this was in fact, one of my priorities last year.
On the books on my reading list, this too I regret. The reason why I failed to do this, is because looking back, work really did got out of hand - that on weekends I simply didn't have the energy to read up on those list, and instead, ventured to other reading materials which are lighter and comforting.
Another thing is my character development. I had several major fights with my mother this year - and I really do mean, major. I regret that this had to happen, and I regret that I wasn't able to control my emotions better during those tense moments. While admittedly there are certain family issues which triggered these fights, and while objectively-speaking, I honestly do feel that I was justified to have been angry - at the same time I believe I should have been better. Because no matter what had happened, clearly I had the ability to stop myself from doing what I know I would later regret.
Also on character development is my tendency to procrastinate. One would never guess it of me, and perhaps, if I mention it hardly anyone would believe that I do this. But it's true. I procrastinate. I don't procrastinate badly in that I end up making a muck of my responsibilities - thankfully I've been able to meet everyone of them as well as the deadlines. But I can't deny that I could have exerted more effort and more time on all of those things, and thereby getting a much more satisfactory result. This includes taking the time to keep in touch with contacts, which is also an area of problem for me.
Specifically, the problem is with me in being able to respond promptly, which I don't. Or if I do, I can count it with the fingers on my hands. The reason, often, is because I couldn't find the words to say in response. And if I do find them, I'd think they were insufficient to be a response, and I'd then wait until inspiration strikes and I can come up with a good and worthy response.
Obviously, this isn't something I should make of a habit, because I may not have as much luxury in the future to prolong responses like this.
On work, which still relates to character development - I've been seriously challenged this year by a certain colleague in particular. Let's call the colleague 'person' to maintain neutrality.
Person, is an unbelievable human. I would hate for you to misunderstand me so I'm making it clear that I don't actually mean that in a good way. Person is unbelievable, because person has managed to show me that one can truly be so absorbed, so blind, so self-righteous, and so stubborn, that change is virtually an impossibility - if there ever is an impossibility. Working with person, for many hours and days, formed quite the major part of my 2009, constructed many of the laboring pains therein as well, but in hindsight, also forced me to learn extremely hard.
I've lost count of the many times I came home feeling inconceivably mad and ranted off online using very impolite words and expressions (fortunately not here so you're saved from reading those), and relayed every incident to my closest circle. I think I can verify that I'm not the one who's bonkers in all the drama, because everyone I know who also knows Person apparently shares my thoughts. I can therefore only conclude that Person is the one who is mad.
But now that Person is no longer there, while I feel a gratifying sense of relief, I also feel loss. Because now that I am not forced to learn by other events outside of myself, or that the lesson is not directly visible before my eyes, I have to force myself to learn them, and will myself to be trying just as hard, just as tiring, as when Person was there to challenge me.
Maybe that's why people say 'Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer' - because it's one's enemies who truthfully put variety in your life, and shift you from your comfort zone. And we need that.
Below is a photo of my old agenda, which I got for free off a magazine:
And here are some excerpts of my life in there:
Aaand another one:
This year, I couldn't find any magazine which offered agendas of good quality for free like last year :( So I've bought this one:
and this is what the inside looks like:
Clearly it is SIGNIFICANTLY and MAJORLY different from the one I used last year. It's smaller, which means I have less space to write in, but also means it is more compact so a lot more versatile to carry around. One thing I don't like about this agenda is that it doesn't have a big monthly outline - which means its harder for me to be able to schedule things as clear as last year when I could see the big picture for each month.
Change is inevitable though so I might as well deal with it.
Based on the aforementioned reflections, I now write myself the following Resolutions for 2010:
- Secure where I want to go for Master's
- Finish "After the Fog Clears"!
- Be more wise emotionally
- Finish the Reading List
- achieve the best possible result for anyone I coach
- Work more professionally, specifically: be more diligent, flexible, and quick on both feet on every single thing work-related
- reply e-mails honestly as soon as possible, at least within TWO days of receiving the e-mail!
- take better care of my health: exercise more, eat more, drink A LOT more (I hardly ever consume water and this is dangerous for my health), rest more, sleep more
- avoid procrastinating anything
- be more patient
- have the ability to make sound yet timely decisions (I tend to over-think on things...)
It is my hope and aim to be able to tick off everything on that list above. If God Wills it, next year I may be able to do that.
The clock is now reading 4:06am, and lest I sign off now and go to bed, I'm already going to violate Resolution #8 lol, so I'm going.
"Suspect each moment, for it is a thief, tiptoeing away with more than it brings" - John Updike.
