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If we would only give, just once, the same amount of reflection to what we want to get out of life, that we give to the question of what to do with two weeks' vacation, we would be startled at our false standards and the aimless procession of our busy days.
- Dorothy Canfield Fisher
Recent Posts
Wednesday 28 July 2010
Thursday 22 July 2010
Sometimes the Push Weighs Heavy to the Pull
Practicing law isn't easy. Many of course, know this as fact. I myself, had never once challenged its truthfulness. But - it is again one of those things in life that unless you personally experience it, you won't truly understand exactly what it means. Or, for a better explanation - you won't truly get what it entails, involves, and requires.
Since I graduated from law school almost two years ago, I had a vague idea about what particular aspect of law I wanted to practice in - if I ended up practicing at all. There is a caveat at that last sentence there, because as you can see from the contents of this blog, my most cardinal passion is writing. Period.
Writing what, you may ask.
Well, I wish I could tell you that I have a passion for writing popular essays, scientific papers, and other academic-related work which people would more readily respect and give up their hands in applaud. Because they would think that is a more worthy...vocation.
But, that is not my passion.
My passion is in writing romance, fantasy, mystical/mythical stories, poems, lyrics, that reflect human interaction - but not the supposedly more 'intellectual" side as I mentioned earlier. And the reason is because those subjects, make me smile. Make my heart go pitter-patter.
To write about the other seemingly impressive issues - or mundane, in my view, is stressful, painful, and gives me a ton of headache. The world, as I see it, has gone completely effed-up, and to immerse myself in it, gives me no pleasure.
Of course here you can say that I am a selfish person. Selfish because my position seem to characterize myself as being apathetic, and imply that I care for no one but myself.
And clearly, I have no way of convincing you of anything - but I assure you, I actually care a lot.
It is simply that - I also have no care to prove to people that I care, most especially, by me doing anything.
But during the last several years of my life, I have been entrusted with many a situation which forces me to question back my passions in life, and what I really want to do in, and with, my life.
I have been told, and I am very much aware and humbled, that I have been blessed with certain gifts, that it is a waste if I don't use those gifts for "humanity".
The difficulty is, I get that. I really do.
So coming back to my practicing law for a very, very, brief period of time - recently I have been tasked to do more "desk work": corporate stuff.
Which, to my not-so-surprised brain, have left me with an almost rigid certainty that I am not cut out for this type of work.
I much, much, prefer disputes.
Going through drafts after drafts of term-sheets and contracts, is both tedious, laborious, and frustrating. I must have mentioned it at least twenty times by now: I do not think I am cut out to be a corporate lawyer.
And here now, comes the question: why don't I do something else, or just concentrate on disputes?
The obvious answer is: lawyers cannot always choose their work.
Especially, when you are just starting out at the bottom of the pyramid, like me.
You get assigned a certain task, you are told what to do if you are lucky (and often the case is that you are not told), and you are expected to do it well.
In fact, even when you become a partner, you cannot always choose your work, because of the economy situation and interests and impacts which may come back to haunt you in the future. Because sadly for disputes (if you choose to be strict in what you choose, i.e. you want to do disputes and nothing else), they can or cannot be there! It all depends on how the parties choose to behave. If they get along and all are happy lovey-dovey, then it is bye-bye work and money. If not, then "all hail the evilness" and you then go dive in to, essentially, save the day.
And every single day I continually ask myself: am I doing the right thing? Am I at the right place? Or am I wasting time?
This will be the first time I mention it, but I am currently twenty-three, soon-to-be twenty-four in a couple of months.
I know no one knows how long they are going to live, but I happen to believe that its precisely because you don't know, that you need to make sure you get the most out of it, by doing what you love, what you enjoy most, and fuck all other people's expectations.
So I am definitely swimming in murky waters as of the moment, which I pray will clear up soon (read: which I pray I will be able to clear up soon).
Since I graduated from law school almost two years ago, I had a vague idea about what particular aspect of law I wanted to practice in - if I ended up practicing at all. There is a caveat at that last sentence there, because as you can see from the contents of this blog, my most cardinal passion is writing. Period.
Writing what, you may ask.
Well, I wish I could tell you that I have a passion for writing popular essays, scientific papers, and other academic-related work which people would more readily respect and give up their hands in applaud. Because they would think that is a more worthy...vocation.
But, that is not my passion.
My passion is in writing romance, fantasy, mystical/mythical stories, poems, lyrics, that reflect human interaction - but not the supposedly more 'intellectual" side as I mentioned earlier. And the reason is because those subjects, make me smile. Make my heart go pitter-patter.
To write about the other seemingly impressive issues - or mundane, in my view, is stressful, painful, and gives me a ton of headache. The world, as I see it, has gone completely effed-up, and to immerse myself in it, gives me no pleasure.
Of course here you can say that I am a selfish person. Selfish because my position seem to characterize myself as being apathetic, and imply that I care for no one but myself.
And clearly, I have no way of convincing you of anything - but I assure you, I actually care a lot.
It is simply that - I also have no care to prove to people that I care, most especially, by me doing anything.
But during the last several years of my life, I have been entrusted with many a situation which forces me to question back my passions in life, and what I really want to do in, and with, my life.
I have been told, and I am very much aware and humbled, that I have been blessed with certain gifts, that it is a waste if I don't use those gifts for "humanity".
The difficulty is, I get that. I really do.
So coming back to my practicing law for a very, very, brief period of time - recently I have been tasked to do more "desk work": corporate stuff.
Which, to my not-so-surprised brain, have left me with an almost rigid certainty that I am not cut out for this type of work.
I much, much, prefer disputes.
Going through drafts after drafts of term-sheets and contracts, is both tedious, laborious, and frustrating. I must have mentioned it at least twenty times by now: I do not think I am cut out to be a corporate lawyer.
And here now, comes the question: why don't I do something else, or just concentrate on disputes?
The obvious answer is: lawyers cannot always choose their work.
Especially, when you are just starting out at the bottom of the pyramid, like me.
You get assigned a certain task, you are told what to do if you are lucky (and often the case is that you are not told), and you are expected to do it well.
In fact, even when you become a partner, you cannot always choose your work, because of the economy situation and interests and impacts which may come back to haunt you in the future. Because sadly for disputes (if you choose to be strict in what you choose, i.e. you want to do disputes and nothing else), they can or cannot be there! It all depends on how the parties choose to behave. If they get along and all are happy lovey-dovey, then it is bye-bye work and money. If not, then "all hail the evilness" and you then go dive in to, essentially, save the day.
And every single day I continually ask myself: am I doing the right thing? Am I at the right place? Or am I wasting time?
This will be the first time I mention it, but I am currently twenty-three, soon-to-be twenty-four in a couple of months.
I know no one knows how long they are going to live, but I happen to believe that its precisely because you don't know, that you need to make sure you get the most out of it, by doing what you love, what you enjoy most, and fuck all other people's expectations.
So I am definitely swimming in murky waters as of the moment, which I pray will clear up soon (read: which I pray I will be able to clear up soon).
Monday 19 July 2010
Perceptions
Both siblings stared at the nugget left on the plate they had been sharing breakfast. The elder knew she was not going to eat it. Her stomach felt full already. They had been set on fixing themselves with junk food: french fries, nuggets and coke for breakfast. Neither cared about gaining weight though.
"You're not going to finish that are you?" Her brother asked, smirking.
"Huh?" She asked, slightly disoriented, her lips licking on the barbeque sauce on her fingertips. "Um, no. I'm too full already," she answered, sighing.
"That's not the reason," her brother rolled his eyes. "You never finish the food."
Her brows scrunched up in protest. "What do you mean I never finish the food? I'm just full, dude."
"No," he contradicted again, "You never finish the last piece on the plate. Not when you're sharing with one of us. You always stop."
She did not know how to respond to that.
--
*a conversation with one of my brothers on Sunday morning.
"You're not going to finish that are you?" Her brother asked, smirking.
"Huh?" She asked, slightly disoriented, her lips licking on the barbeque sauce on her fingertips. "Um, no. I'm too full already," she answered, sighing.
"That's not the reason," her brother rolled his eyes. "You never finish the food."
Her brows scrunched up in protest. "What do you mean I never finish the food? I'm just full, dude."
"No," he contradicted again, "You never finish the last piece on the plate. Not when you're sharing with one of us. You always stop."
She did not know how to respond to that.
--
*a conversation with one of my brothers on Sunday morning.
Like a Runaway
I can't get this tune out of my head. The melodies just flow so...right. To my ears anyway.
I am more than you know, street lights and open roads
I am more than a face, stuck living in one place
So call me California
Call me what you will
Cause I am bigger than this place, And so far from alone
I don't believe in your hate 'cause these scars are gonna fade
So pour me out like water, and soak me up like rain
[Chorus: ]
Like a runaway, spend these night counting stars
Like a runaway
And maybe I could call this home tonight
Like a runaway
I whisper all these secrets, to a blank page on a line
I said we don't speak like lovers, and my words are dripping with wine
So call me California
Call me what you will
'Cause I'm bigger than this place
And so far from alone
[Chorus]
When burning bridges won't come down
Like symphonies without a sound
I spend these nights counting stars
And wonder if there's hope for me out there, out there
*** "Runaway" by Thriving Ivory
I am more than you know, street lights and open roads
I am more than a face, stuck living in one place
So call me California
Call me what you will
Cause I am bigger than this place, And so far from alone
I don't believe in your hate 'cause these scars are gonna fade
So pour me out like water, and soak me up like rain
[Chorus: ]
Like a runaway, spend these night counting stars
Like a runaway
And maybe I could call this home tonight
Like a runaway
I whisper all these secrets, to a blank page on a line
I said we don't speak like lovers, and my words are dripping with wine
So call me California
Call me what you will
'Cause I'm bigger than this place
And so far from alone
[Chorus]
When burning bridges won't come down
Like symphonies without a sound
I spend these nights counting stars
And wonder if there's hope for me out there, out there
*** "Runaway" by Thriving Ivory
Saturday 10 July 2010
Newly Found
If you cannot move then I will carry you- 'Carry You' by Sleeperstar
If you cannot breathe I'll be the air
Only say my name to show me where you are
and I'll be there when no one else will stand
'Wherever You Go' by Sleeperstar
I still think of you at night
While I beg the Lord to let me sleep
I pretend that I am all right
That you're leaving me
Wherever you go
I will always long for you
Wherever you are
I wish I was there
If you're running away do you want me to chase you
Tried to move on but I couldn't erase you
Wherever you go
I will always long for you
If I'm honest with myself
Let's say that we never stood a chance
Love don't walk away
You know how bad I need you now
I'll say it again
***
In addition to Ian Walsh, Sleeperstar is a band I newly discovered and whom I've been listening to all day long (although they've been around awhile). Amazing talents.
Dear dear Ian Walsh
Just pretend for a moment that I’m all you have- 'Casting Shadows' by Ian Walsh
I say come on, just look around
He’s not so picture perfect in the end.
When I told you that I loved you,
From that moment on you’d always be casting shadows, casting shadows over me.
We go to a place where all the sound’s drowned out- 'Melissa' by Ian Walsh
She says I have nothing to worry about
I still don’t feel better when all is said and done
Because my mind is only on if I’m Melissa’s only one
- 'Safe and Sound' by Ian Walsh
This moment came too soon
And my train is coming around, around, around
The more I think of you the more I think that I just won’t get on this time.
Friday 2 July 2010
Quotes of the Day from Superstars under 30
"Pay attention to serendipity. I'm convinced that what seems to be accidental, coincidental, or unplanned really isn't."- Rebecca Kousky
"Do your homework, and then commit to your venture and begin to execute. If you aren't fully committed, you will quickly find a reason to fail or never actually start."- Morgan Newman
"Stone cold, iron-willed determination. It's going to be long hours and a lot of hard work, but if you have confidence in your product, you will succeed."- Aaron Patzer
"Stop just thinking about it and make it happen. The worst that can happen if you fail now is that you'll have firsthand experience to make your next venture a success."- Catherine Cook
We should all benefit by taking a leaf out of each of their books.
Thursday 1 July 2010
Designs
I change my template for this blog quite often - for no other reason than that I've not found one with which I am in perfect contentment. But this one, seems to strike it right.
I like the colours - pink, which is of subtle shade, nothing glaring or shocking or the like... soft...and one which I for one am not finding it boring to look at.
Of course you and possibly many others will beg to differ, but we are all entitled to our opinions.
So anyway, I think I'll be keeping this one for a while.
I like the colours - pink, which is of subtle shade, nothing glaring or shocking or the like... soft...and one which I for one am not finding it boring to look at.
Of course you and possibly many others will beg to differ, but we are all entitled to our opinions.
So anyway, I think I'll be keeping this one for a while.
