Falling Down

"You're making me fall down
I'm falling down again
I wish I could fall down
Can you catch me darling?"

- Falling Down by Goo Goo Dolls (John Rzeznik)

Just the Only One

Do you know that you make me feel surreal
like all the things one could only see in dreams
and that disappears the moment that you wake?
Do you know that you are capable of the most magical things?
You never fail to make me laugh or lift me up when I'm in my darkest state of mind

and you would challenge me into
all of these nonsensical debates
where you would never let me win
and even when we're both spent and tired
still you issue out your last sentence
and force me to begin again

Do you know how valuable your every thought and concerns are to me
you make me feel like I'm worthy
Do you know that you are not what I expected
and always full of surprises that make me hold back
only to question if this is what I've been looking for

and you're the only one who's hit it thrice
in every place that matters
that was when I knew I'd give up all else if I
could just be with you
and you're the only one who I know would
hold me up if I'm drunk and tell me that
I still look beautiful.

and you're the only one who's ever known
what I mean even before my saying it and
you are the only one who knows, who truly knows
just exactly what I mean.

*Dedicated to my high-school friend who's getting married this summer - congratulations Kania :)

Big Machine

Put my player on random play-all, and this song which I've not heard in ages, came up. Cannot appreciate the beauty of John Rzeznik's writings enough. He is - pure and simple - amazing. And the tunes to this song, rocks.

"Big Machine" - John Rzeznik of Goo Goo Dolls

Ecstasy is all you need
Living in the big machine
Oh you're so vain
Now your world is way too fast
Nothing's real and nothing lasts
And I'm aware
I'm in love but you don't care

Turn your anger into lust
I'm still here but you don't trust at all
And I'll be waiting
Love and sex and loneliness
Take what's yours and leave the rest
So I'll survive
God it's good to be alive

I'm torn in pieces
I'm blind and waiting for you
My heart is reeling
I'm blind and waiting for you

Still in love with all your sins
Where you stop and I begin
And I'll be waiting
Living like a house on fire
What you fear is your desire
It's hard to deal
I still love the way you feel

Now this angry little girl
Drowning in this petty world
And I'm who you run to
Swallow all your bitter pills
That's what makes you beautiful
You're all or not
I don't need what you ain't got

I'm torn in pieces
I'm blind and waiting for you
My heart is reeling
I'm blind and waiting for you

I'm blind and waiting for you
I'm blind and waiting for you No I can't believe it's coming true
God it's good to be alive
And I'm still here waiting for you
No I can't believe it's coming true
I'm blind and waiting for you

Settle Down

so I’m putting it out, putting it, out there
Laying it down open and wide, on the table
completely free and free of non-brevity
what else are you asking for?

I’m baring it all, to this big, open space
just throwing it out, no second thoughts to the haze
and whatever form of cloud is greying my days
I won’t turn around, am not gonna settle down

for this:
I have walked countless miles by now
all the seas and sands pales by comparison
and the splashes of colours that brightens,
they are…so few but so precious…
and I have argued my lifetime in the courts
I’ve debated two-edged swords but I
am unsatisfied with the way things are turning out
so don’t keep me down, I’m not gonna settle
- not this time.

some people keep looking for what they’ve already found
and even when they’ve found still they cannot grasp
somehow it remains so out of touch and incapable to reach
but is it more due to lack of will than lack of sound mind?
The circle starts nowhere it seems…
yet a closer look clarifies all points, and
squares out all those doubts into
empty space,… so to keep away hollow,
I, won’t settle,
- not this time

Shut Your Eyes Close

Shut your eyes close, sometimes it's the only way to see
When all else seems to fail and leave you hollow and empty
Shut your ears out, sometimes it's the only way to hear
When all the voices are but painful screams that you do not need, here

and once everything slowly calms
once the storm betrays its axis,
I'll finally quit spinning around...
and once the wheels of time unfreeze
maybe then I'll get to breathe
and see without tunnel vision smoking my way through.

The air is thick with tension and
pressurized moments seconds away from explosion
and results beyond control
The vertical line is diagonal
and the patches of grass is rudimentary to
my keeping a firm stand

but once the earthquake empty out
all the sins that were cast without shame
would I be brave enough to admit blame?
and once the wheels of time unfreeze
can my hopes be something more than its extent?
I am thirsty to breathe clearly
all the confusion you pollute suffocate me.

so stop me not from shutting my lids close
this may be one of those times I can only see
without the influence of others corrupting me.

Hypocrite

the little things that matter to me,
don't much matter to anyone else here, I know
and it is much too much to ask for...
But the little things that I often wish for
all the images that float by in my mind
are lined in gold threads,
and they make me believe that I can have:

***
them if only I stay this way and never falter, never change in the way
that I think and view the world as they are
and nothing but as it is
that to put bleach on what is coloured is to ruin what is already
naturally beautiful...
and that I'd be the best hypocrite of them all.

All the little things that they put aside
push to the back and don't think twice or look back on
someday will come to haunt
and maybe then they will wonder what they've been missing
but it'll be much too late for regrets and
it'll be much too far a time to change
so this is why I'm staying away
from all the diamonds and other shows of wealth that
everyone else has to offer...

But the little things that I often wish for
all the images that float by in my mind
are lined in gold threads,
and they make me believe that I can have:

***
them if only I stay this way and never falter, never change in the way
that I think and view the world as they are
and nothing but as it is
that to put bleach on what is coloured is to ruin what is already
naturally beautiful...
and that I'd be the best hypocrite of them all.