Give Me Vodka - I'll Throw You A Lap Dance

Once I learn how to give a lap dance of course. Hahah. Like that'll ever happen :p
And I refer to both activities there - the drinking of the vodka if you were to really give me one (because my religion prohibits me to drink it) and the dancing.

Actually, today's title is inspired by a brief exchange of short messages with my boss. Her partner had recently undergone a hip surgery, and we were talking about how this really nice guy from their hotel had come all the way to visit to the hospital. She had told him (the nice guy) to get her partner dancing girls.

I said I'd give him dancing girls and a lap dance.

She replied, while the idea has its merits and would be much appreciated, it would be too painful for her partner right now.

So I said I'd postpone ordering one until he gets better.

She thought I was offering one.

I laughed - I told her I can't dance to save my life. Honestly. Cross my heart and hope to live :D

I mean, I'm perfectly okay with twirling about listening to indie alternative head-banging, hip-swaying inducing music in my room - with only my sisters to watch and mock me. But tell me to dance in public and I'd splutter in all my incompetence at the art.

This may not be entirely true - I was told once that my dancing wasn't so bad... but I don't know. Dancing's one of those things in life which you gotta do well to do, you know? Well, some (and yourself perhaps) would argue differently.

So yeah, that's probably something I should note to myself as another in my ever growing list of "things to learn and be able to do well before I die".

On Carson Leith

Honestly, I am not supposed to be blogging right now. No. What I'm supposed to do, is work on my essays for application for graduate studies.

But. What one wants and what one is supposed to do are two completely divergent things which do not co-exist on the same plane my friend.

And hence, why I am writing here. (Even though I'm not supposed to)

So. On Carson Leith.

Who is he? The lead vocalist for Brothers At Sea. The band I so have the hots for right now (which make me like such a lameduck because they'd released their EP like in January this year - or so various sources on the world wide web tells me), as you can evidently tell if you've been following my earlier posts.

Carson is inspiring. Truly. He's younger than I am, having only started college in 2008 (making him as old as my second brother). But, the guy is extremely, and uncannily, thoughtful. Beyond his years, I'd say. One only need to read his blog (or ex-blog, since he's moved to tumblr.com at carsonleith.tumblr.com) which is carsonleith.blogspot.com.

Go there. I dare ya. You won't regret it. Seriously. Although, in passing - I do wonder why he moved to tumblr.com from blogspot....

Now, obviously I sound like a psychotic stalker with how I am apparently dedicating this post to him...essentially. So just in case Carson reads this by some unexplainable and misbegotten chance: Carson dude, no, I am NOT stalking you. And before you get any ideas of suing me, I'm one step ahead of you buddy. I would seriously advise against it, because my current occupation just so happens to be lawyering :D

I hate losing cases, so I'll make sure that I'm the one who wins. (blagh, who am I kidding.)

Anyway, back to Carson. Reading his blog, has inspired me in so many different ways. To my delight, apart from sharing my addiction to coffee, Carson shares my love of reading and writers/poets such as Hemingway and Pablo Neruda (see my previous post titled "I do not love you"). I don't know many guys around here like that, so you'll understand why I'm all gaga over finding this out.

He is also, apparently, religious. Granted, we do not share the same faith - in fact, we cannot be more diametrically opposed.

But, that is not to say I don't get what he's saying when he talks of religion. Which brings me to believe, that one need not share the same faith to understand faith itself.

I can go on to our similar tastes in music, but I won't because I'm already freaking myself out enough with this post...so I'm restraining myself and will stop here.

With a side note: in a different universe, in a different time, in a different setting and in the same spot, Carson would be my perfect Garage Band King.

So all I gotta do now is, find one that fits in my current lifetime.

If you see him, contact me do.

***Disclaimer: the photo here does NOT belong to me. I got it off their facebook page and am not using it for profit. Carson's the one in the middle.

Motivation is You

"When I'm looking for a new motivation, I'm looking for you." - Jason Poe.

Could he possible be a descendant of another famous Poe? As in Edgar Allan Poe?? Anyhow, I'm digging his music.

For Being Brave

For being brave...it don't come easy. No it don't.
Bleeding out still I am, seeping out from the blue lines
and these eyes, they are incapable of blinking for more
My laugh lines have caked into stone
I'm sure this is what you're wanting now.

Isn't it?

You tell me, love. You tell me.
Just, for once, pretend no one's there
and only us two here stands
and that the dead grass are green meadows
would that make it any easier
for you to speak?

Being brave, it don't come easy, no.
And my silence works the way pictures do.
I ain't saying anything, but I couldn't have put it better.
Aren't you getting me at all?
If I love you at all, everything should be crystal clear to you.

Oh quit being so brave love. I'll sweeten up some of your hurting, if only you let me.
But those warm times have long disappeared - neither of us are the same persons we used to know.
I'm paying the price of being brave, or keeping pride. Label it how you want.
I want to take the easy way out, this time.
I'm done hurting inside, just as I'm done laughing out non-laughter.
Let's not be so brave now. The price is altogether too high.
For while I am more than halfway there, you have yet to move.
You have yet to move.

And I, I'm done with my falling. Falling over you and over my head.
This has evolved to being entirely overrated, for both our sakes.
Stay brave, love. Will it. Want it. Until it chokes you up, that you can't help move.
Maybe then you'll fall into me.
Maybe then I can brave myself again.

First draft: November 21st, 2010. Revised: November 22nd, 2010. By: Hanna.A.

*this poem..or potential set of lyrics is inspired by Brothers At Sea's "For Being Brave". I would suggest however, that you read the above while listening to "We're Alive" by Brothers At Sea or their "This Time, I Swear I Mean It". It sets the background better methinks. :p

I can't wax lyrical enough about this band. They're soo...talented. Bridgingtheverses.com describes them as The Fray meets Jimmy Eat World. In some ways, I think that's true. But I would say they are more Jimmy Eat World and Brightwood.

***photo disclaimer: the photo ain't mine and I ain't using it for profit. I got it off Brothers At Sea's FB.

The Only One

I guess today is about reminiscing some of my old writings. After the post below, I came across this other poem slash song I wrote last year, on January 26th. To date, I think it's probably the most intense and romantic piece I've ever written...I'm quite proud of this one actually. Especially since I've never actually experienced what I wrote myself...teehee :D

Anyway, it's called "The Only One". Hope anyone reading will find it to their liking too!

"The Only One"

I can still smell you on my skin
and breathe you in on my pillows
I can still feel your heat with my sheets
as I pull them back to keep your warmth

I am reluctant to get up
I want to linger in these messy tangles
Wait for you to walk through the door
It can't come too soon
You can't come too soon

You were so still as I watched you sleep
so unguarded, and so open

Yet I knew the moment that you wake
you'll close off and renew your walls
and I would smile and tease you for it
at the most you'll call out my name
in that way of yours
that's never failed to bring me down
to my knees

And I know you don't see in my eyes
what you were so sure would be there
you don't see in my gaze
what you've convinced yourself to see
when will you ever realize
that I'm not the one
I won't be the one
who shuns you away even when you're hurting the most
and don't just don't want to be alone
I know you don't really want to be alone

So when will you give in, when will you take it for real
that
I am not leaving
You can push me away
and I'll just run back, come after you
because you're the only one
who gets me
you're the only one
who sees me as I am
and you know that I'm
the only one
who sees you this close
the only one who you let see you this close.

Face

Came across this poem/song I wrote about...two years ago. It feels quite...apt at the moment. So I thought I'd share it here.

"Face"

I am two and twenty years of age as of months before
but have I become any wiser
and even if I have would I know?
How would I know
and how can anyone tell

The truth is often always nothing but lies
narrowed down to its barest of forms
that don't we all have, encountered?
one way or another

I need to get to the bottom
of this mess, oh all this mess
haven't done me any favors
save to confuse and frustrate
the hell out of my being
I don't want this to turn into
another of those things we could just
throw away and forget

I've never known silence to be this still
the lack of voices is damning
is coldly haunting
If rain were to fall on my head, as of right now
would I feel
it drop?
would I feel
its pressure?
and would I feel myself getting wet
because
I haven't been breathing for the longest time

The air that passes through my lungs exist
only so that I don't decay
and the impact of the bright sun
I haven't felt
It's never been warm or light in here
for ages and I
haven't been what you call alive
for sometime now
so I'll think it's wise to sleep some more
slip into these dreams where I
can at least escape from all the
bitter and the unknown
I don't want to face
No I don't ever want to face.

Teenage Dream

I am utterly hooked. And madly in love. With Katy Perry's single "Teenage Dream". Finding him is so on my to-do list. hahah.

I claim no credit for the song nor the title. It just fucking rocks though. The lyrics then:

You think I'm pretty
Without any make-up on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the puch line wrong
I know you get me
So I'll let my walls come down, down

Before you met me
I was a wreck
But things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my valentine, valentine

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

We drove to Cali
And got drunk on the beach
Got a motel and
Built a fort out of sheets
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

I might get your heart racing
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you put your hands on me
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back