Motivation is You

"When I'm looking for a new motivation, I'm looking for you." - Jason Poe.

Could he possible be a descendant of another famous Poe? As in Edgar Allan Poe?? Anyhow, I'm digging his music.

For Being Brave

For being brave...it don't come easy. No it don't.
Bleeding out still I am, seeping out from the blue lines
and these eyes, they are incapable of blinking for more
My laugh lines have caked into stone
I'm sure this is what you're wanting now.

Isn't it?

You tell me, love. You tell me.
Just, for once, pretend no one's there
and only us two here stands
and that the dead grass are green meadows
would that make it any easier
for you to speak?

Being brave, it don't come easy, no.
And my silence works the way pictures do.
I ain't saying anything, but I couldn't have put it better.
Aren't you getting me at all?
If I love you at all, everything should be crystal clear to you.

Oh quit being so brave love. I'll sweeten up some of your hurting, if only you let me.
But those warm times have long disappeared - neither of us are the same persons we used to know.
I'm paying the price of being brave, or keeping pride. Label it how you want.
I want to take the easy way out, this time.
I'm done hurting inside, just as I'm done laughing out non-laughter.
Let's not be so brave now. The price is altogether too high.
For while I am more than halfway there, you have yet to move.
You have yet to move.

And I, I'm done with my falling. Falling over you and over my head.
This has evolved to being entirely overrated, for both our sakes.
Stay brave, love. Will it. Want it. Until it chokes you up, that you can't help move.
Maybe then you'll fall into me.
Maybe then I can brave myself again.

First draft: November 21st, 2010. Revised: November 22nd, 2010. By: Hanna.A.

*this poem..or potential set of lyrics is inspired by Brothers At Sea's "For Being Brave". I would suggest however, that you read the above while listening to "We're Alive" by Brothers At Sea or their "This Time, I Swear I Mean It". It sets the background better methinks. :p

I can't wax lyrical enough about this band. They're soo...talented. Bridgingtheverses.com describes them as The Fray meets Jimmy Eat World. In some ways, I think that's true. But I would say they are more Jimmy Eat World and Brightwood.

***photo disclaimer: the photo ain't mine and I ain't using it for profit. I got it off Brothers At Sea's FB.

The Only One

I guess today is about reminiscing some of my old writings. After the post below, I came across this other poem slash song I wrote last year, on January 26th. To date, I think it's probably the most intense and romantic piece I've ever written...I'm quite proud of this one actually. Especially since I've never actually experienced what I wrote myself...teehee :D

Anyway, it's called "The Only One". Hope anyone reading will find it to their liking too!

"The Only One"

I can still smell you on my skin
and breathe you in on my pillows
I can still feel your heat with my sheets
as I pull them back to keep your warmth

I am reluctant to get up
I want to linger in these messy tangles
Wait for you to walk through the door
It can't come too soon
You can't come too soon

You were so still as I watched you sleep
so unguarded, and so open

Yet I knew the moment that you wake
you'll close off and renew your walls
and I would smile and tease you for it
at the most you'll call out my name
in that way of yours
that's never failed to bring me down
to my knees

And I know you don't see in my eyes
what you were so sure would be there
you don't see in my gaze
what you've convinced yourself to see
when will you ever realize
that I'm not the one
I won't be the one
who shuns you away even when you're hurting the most
and don't just don't want to be alone
I know you don't really want to be alone

So when will you give in, when will you take it for real
that
I am not leaving
You can push me away
and I'll just run back, come after you
because you're the only one
who gets me
you're the only one
who sees me as I am
and you know that I'm
the only one
who sees you this close
the only one who you let see you this close.

Teenage Dream

I am utterly hooked. And madly in love. With Katy Perry's single "Teenage Dream". Finding him is so on my to-do list. hahah.

I claim no credit for the song nor the title. It just fucking rocks though. The lyrics then:

You think I'm pretty
Without any make-up on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the puch line wrong
I know you get me
So I'll let my walls come down, down

Before you met me
I was a wreck
But things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my valentine, valentine

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

We drove to Cali
And got drunk on the beach
Got a motel and
Built a fort out of sheets
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

I might get your heart racing
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you put your hands on me
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

It's Not Washing Out

"Why, Flynn? Why can't we move on past this stupid wall between us? I miss you. I miss us. Don't you miss us, Flynn? And you're breaking my heart, when you promised me you wouldn't Flynn! Why!" Lily cried out as she angrily swiped at her tears with her sleeve.

Flynn shut his eyes tight at the sight of her tears, trying to hold back his own that threatened to fall. He felt like splinters were razoring his insides, cutting deep. It was a while before he managed to speak, his throat having gone desert-dry. "Some things just don't wash out, Lily. That includes heartbreak," Flynn said brokenly, "So don't you hold me to that. You failed to keep mine."

***

I think I'm going to call this one "Castles". This was inspired by "So in love" by The Icarus Account - an insanely talented band. Love. Love.

Lies

"But it's too hard. I lied when I said it was okay. It's not. I can't stand the thought of you being with her. I hate hearing about you kissing her."

- "It's All Relative" by Cupid Psyche.

Happy Endings

Paige didn't answer nor could she look at him. His words sounded so good, but it wasn't enough. He didn't lie to her with false promises, but he didn't give her that guarantee she needed but knew didn't exist.

Feeling the distance between them, Wyatt slowly felt himself losing grip on his hope for things to work out between them. The more he saw Paige running from him, the more he felt he couldn't keep running after her. Love wasn't about one side constantly fighting for the other. She had to be able to risk it for him too.

------

It wasn't until three nights ago Paige was able to corner him in a club where the boys' were throwing a birthday party for one of their girlfriends. Paige saw Wyatt going to the restroom and she quickly followed him, staking out by the door until he came out.

When he did, Wyatt eyes widened, but his expression quickly turned dark and he tried to excuse himself. Paige grabbed his arm and he stopped.

"Wyatt, how long are we going to be like this?"

Wyatt turned around and Paige couldn't help but take a step back from him. He looked so closed off from her, so devoid of emotion and of any recognition of her.

"Like what?" He asked simply as if not knowing what she meant. But she could tell by the tense way he stood that he was working hard to stay in control and calm.

"When can we be friends again?" Paige asked him. Yet, the moment she asked the question, she already knew his answer.

For a few seconds, the stoic façade crumbled and Wyatt allowed his frustration to show. His shoulders slumped for that moment before quickly straightening again.

"When I can finally learn to love you without being in love with you."

And then he walked away, leaving Paige to feel as if he was leaving her for good.

-----

Paige began to walk down the room, glancing at the pictures, remembering each moment when Wyatt gave them for her. As everybody else took their time to read the description and examine the pictures, Paige kept walking. She knew everything by heart, each speech Wyatt gave her about why the picture was important. Even without reading the brochure, she knew… No, within her, she felt what it was he was trying to say.

Happy endings.

The exhibit was arranged in which the photographs and wall spiraled to end in the middle. Paige must have gone through the exhibit quickly because suddenly she was at the end, with no one around her. The middle of the room had one wall and was closed in by white screens that were filled with flowers and vines. Before the photograph was a little white block that served as a bench.

Paige took in the screens, the flowers, and the bench before lifting her eyes to meet the photograph. When her eyes finally saw the last photograph, Paige took a deep breath and held it.

It was their picture, the one he forced her to take so long ago. They were on her couch. Wyatt's cheek was against her head, grinning happily with Paige smiling as well, despite showing hints of irritation. You could tell from the picture Wyatt was taking the picture of them.

It was a moment, just a moment between the two of them. But it was just the two of them, together.

Paige didn't realize it, but she was silently sobbing. Her hand reached out to touch their photograph, and despite how her vision was blurring, she could read the little inscription below the photograph.

My Happy Ending.

"So what do you think?" A voice came from behind her.

Paige turned around, and there was Wyatt, dressed in a dark pants and a white dress shirt. His hair looked as if he was running his fingers through it a few too many times. His lips tilted up on one side, and he gave her his signature smirk.

"I love it," Paige whispered. I love you.

Wyatt didn't say anything else, not asking about her appearance, about her tears, or why she was even there. He just stood there, not closing the small distance between them, and waited. Paige knew that it was up to her to take the step…

So she did. She took a step towards him and said, "I'm an idiot. I realized just how much of an idiot I was today."

Another step. All her thoughts became jumbled and the words kept pouring out of her mouth.

"All my life, all I could see was the bad. I could only see the ugly when it came to love and I just believed that being with people only caused heartache and it wasn't worth it. So I stayed alone."

One step. Two step.

"But then I met you. And you made the ugly bearable," Paige said. She felt herself beginning to smile. "And suddenly I didn't see just the ugly. I saw the good. I saw the laughs, the fun, the friendship… The love."

She took one more step and then she was before him. Wyatt stood still, watching her intently. He made no move to touch her and Paige didn't as well.

"I didn't believe that love could last," Paige whispered. "I didn't want to risk it because I didn't want to lose you. Because, Wyatt, you're not worth losing."

Slowly she raised her hand that held the picture she took and showed him the picture of the elderly man and woman holding hands as they walked down a path.

"But then I saw them," Paige continued. "And I just knew… I want this. I want the chance to hold your hand when we're old, to help you up a path, and to forever walk with you wherever you want to go so you can take whatever pictures you want to take. Because as much as I'm afraid to lose you Wyatt… The chance to have this happy ending with you… It's worth the risk."

The smile on Wyatt's face was slowly widening with teach word she said. He glanced at her then at the picture then at her again. Slowly, his hand reached up and cupped her face. His thumb wiped away a falling tear and Wyatt leaned in. With his lips only a breath away from hers, he whispered, "There's still no guarantee for us you know."

Paige nodded, her eyes dropping to his lips. "I know," she answered, looking up into his eyes. "But I think we got a good chance… Because, believe it or not, I really love you, flaws and all."

"Ditto," Wyatt whispered back before finally leaning in and kissing her.

And so there they stood before their picture, ignoring the slow trickle of people coming in to look at the end of the exhibit, only caring that somehow, they got to that moment.

She would always be the girl with her fears and he would always be the boy who was the optimist. And despite having the odds against them, they just had to look at their picture and believe that they'll get their happy ending…

Because, in the end, you just have to have faith.

***
excerpts from "Happy Endings" by jennycraig10

Truly one of the best fucking one-shots I've had the pleasure of reading in a long time. A million kudos to Jenny.

Here is Gone

You and I got something
But it's all and then it's nothing to me
...
And I got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions for me
...
And we wake up in the breakdown
Of the things we never thought we could be
...

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We've got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all...

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

I am no solution
To the sound of this pollution in me
...
And I was not the answer so forget you ever thought it was me
...

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We've got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I won't tempt to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

And I don't need a fall out
Of all the past that's here between us
And I'm not holding on
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone
And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can fear you falling

I know it's out there
...
I can feel you falling
I know it's out there
...
Somehow here is gone
I know it's out there
...
Somehow here is gone

***
John Rzeznik of the incomparable Goo Goo Dolls, will always have my love.

Juli di Bulan Juni

Ku buka mata
Kilau mentari
Kini cahyanya sedikit berbeda, karna ku berubah

Sudut pandangku:
Kini dunia tak lagi
Tempat yang keji, dimana hati
dingin dan beku

ada kala hati dan ketulusan
dimana seharusnya

Ku membiarkan
cinta bekerja
menyembuhkan hatiku
Ku membiarkan
mu menyentuhku
dengan ketulusanmu
Ku membiarkan
Dunia keji
Kini ku milikimu

Di Juni ini
Aku berjanji
kepada hati untuk tak lagi
merasa sedih

Ku membiarkan
Cinta bekerja
menyembuhkan hatiku
Ku membiarkan
mu menyentuhku
dengan ketulusanmu


***full credits to: Sarah Silaban. Possibly the greatest female artist in Indonesia.

Just the Way You Are Perfectly Imperfect

"Sorry, but this is the best I could do," Jake said wryly, holding a cup of punch on each hand. Allyson smiled her tenth smile at him. He'd counted. "Are you cold?"

"No," Al replied as she received the cup from him.

"You are," he said. He put down his cup and shrugged out of his coat.

"There's no need—" Al started to reply.

"Take it," Jake insisted. He took her hand, placed the coat, and walked away to the other side of the terrace. "Look, I'm going to stay right here," he said in a playful tone as he leaned on a pillar. "I won't bite."

"It's a beautiful night," Allyson said, studying him from twenty feet away. It had been ages since she'd last seen Christopher. When Jake returned to their table for a second time, it didn't take long for Chris to figure things out and he had jokingly reprimanded her for making him feel unwanted. How could you let my sister cajole me into going with you when you really intended to dump the prince for the frog?

She didn't know how long she had danced with Jake, didn't even think she'd listened to anything but the steady beating of his heart. If Lou could see her now, she'd be bursting with laughter. Lou had told her not to avoid Jake. But dancing? Now that was way more than expected. But for tonight, Al didn't care.

"Sam's been looking for you," he said in a deep voice.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Thought someone had kidnapped you to keep you away from us," he replied in an amused voice. "She misses you." I miss you.

"I miss her, too," Allyson replied sincerely.

Do you miss me, Beauty?

"Suddenly, she wants a big motorcycle so she could go around town and see everyone else," he said with a smile. "I don't want to disappoint her."

"You couldn't," Al replied without thinking.

He was immensely pleased with her remark but knew that it was far from the truth. "Oh, I have. Many times." He stayed silent for awhile then broke it with a loaded statement. "Just like I've disappointed you. Many times."

"Jake—"

"I like it when you say my name. Do you know that?" he paused, seeing her color with his remark. "And when you blush like that and I could see it from twenty feet? Very appealing."

"Are you teasing me?" Allyson asked laughingly.

He straightened from his leaning position and started walking around the terrace. It was a long time before either of them spoke. "When you walked out of the theater that day, I thought you'd never talk to me again. I was so happy because I'd finally made my peace with my father but it was hard seeing you leave without word." He smiled sadly, and looked like he was reliving the memory. "He was a good father, Al, before…before she left us. Now he's trying. And doing good, I might add. But sometimes, I'm still scared," he said hoarsely. "still scared."

He stopped and leaned lightly on a pillar, seemingly trying to control himself. When he looked up, his eyes were mysteriously shiny. "I'm sorry, Ally."

"Jake," she finally spoke, desperate to keep the light-hearted they'd had all evening. "We've already done this. I've forgiven you. It's over."

"No!" he snapped out, now clutching at the railings. "I hurt you so much. No matter how many times I want to forget about it, I couldn't erase that image of you looking so terribly hurt. I ignored you and treated you horribly. That day," he stopped with a catch in his voice. "That day I was so crazed trying to avoid you that something in me just snapped. I thought she was you. You have to believe me, Allie. I know I ignored you on purpose, I pushed you away. But I would never go that far. I wouldn't do that to you. You have to believe me," he said, almost pleading. "I pushed you away because I knew it would hurt you if you stayed with me. I thought I was protecting you. But I ended up hurting you anyway. Now that I think about it, I think I did it for selfish reasons. I was…afraid that you'd see me for who I was. Trouble with a capital T."

She should have stayed where she was, but she found herself walking towards him, needing to comfort him. "Don't do this to yourself," she whispered achingly, her hands caressing his arm lightly.

Her touch was bittersweet, lulling him temporarily to hopeless illusions. Then he covered her hands with his and slowly turned towards her, almost ready to take the plunge. He watched the expressions dancing across her face. Surprise, anxiety, anticipation. Forgiveness. "How could I have hurt you" he asked tenderly, as he brushed his knuckles brightly over her cheeks, his heart raring to make the final leap, "when I love you so much?"

He silenced any response from her as he covered her lips with his. He felt her go rigid in his arms and knew she was trying to fight him with indifference. He moved his mouth over hers but she remained impassive. Lifting his head to look at her startled emerald eyes, he begged her with his eyes. Please. He kissed her with aching tenderness, pleaded with her to return the kiss. And when she finally gave in to the kiss, he lost all control as he tightened his arms around her, cupping her head to draw her even closer to him. He was like a soldier who had gone on days without water. He couldn't seem to get enough of her. She was sweet and so perfect in his arms.

At the back of her mind, Allyson knew it was wrong. But she could resist him no longer. Not when he was kissing her with such need, as if he couldn't go on without her. So she felt herself giving back, asking him to take what he would, her heart treacherously going against her mind. Suddenly, his words rushed over her and they chilled her like ice. How could I have hurt you…when I love you so much? She broke away abruptly from the kiss, a pounding headache threatening to overwhelm her.

"No," she whispered hoarsely.

"Yes!" he insisted, desperate to keep her in his arms. He was about to bend down for another kiss when she pushed him away hard.

"How could you do this?" she asked, begged in a confused tone. "I can't believe this," she said in disbelief, as she turned away from him. Finding her purse at the nearby chair, she left the terrace without another word, desperate to get as far away from him as possible.

He didn't go after her, knowing it would be fruitless. He had one shot. And he had missed. He sat on the step, stared blankly ahead, and felt like crying.

***

credits to: dream6-20 at http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2028013/24/Just_the_Way_You_Are_Perfectly_Imperfect

Save Me

So will this be the very last of
all goodbyes and hellos that we'll share
in truth and in fact I am not ready to part with

Excuse my choosing to still stay here
'Neath the shadows of the olive trees
and the grass for forever company
At least I know they will last
and not burn out before my fire does

*Will you save me for the last time
I'm drowning waterless on the surface clear
Will you rescue me for the last time
I'm suffocating while I breathe in the clean air
Pull me out of the still currents
Swimming me away from the center of the mirror
Save me from myself.

So will I ever get the first chance recycled again
I know the wheel has spun and spun before in numerous
but I'll never get over, don't think I'll ever get over
the first time

The age of innocence has died and long lived out its lifespan
but the coming of dawn has never felt welcome
I guess it is always the way with things new,
unknown and inexperienced

*But will you save me for the last time
Though I'm least deserving of your assistance
Don't need reminding of it I know
as one whose wisdom is unquestioned
But this is why you have to save me now
Rescue me out of this desert of
Plastic happiness
I'm suffocating while I breathe in the cool air
Pull me out of the still currents
and save me from myself.

by: H.Az

I Do Not Love You

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I do not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

*My favourite poem of all time, by Pablo Neruda.

Once Upon A Time, There Was The Perfect Man

He paused. “I am not in the habit, Daphne, of wearing my heart on my sleeve, if you’ll pardon me. If the reasons I have given for wanting you have not rung true, as you say, that’s probably because what I feel for you scares the hell out of me.”

She did her best to absorb his words in wonder. “You, scared?” she murmured, still in doubt. He never seemed afraid of anything.

He nodded slowly. “I’ve been trying to give myself sane, logical reasons for this...obsession you’ve cast over me. Trying to tell myself it’s just a simple, practical match, for the sake of producing heirs. Nothing to be alarmed about. But that’s not the truth of how I feel.”

“How do you feel, Max?” she prompted in a soft tone.

For a long moment, he considered, as though peering gingerly into himself. “Lost. Daphne...this is not an easy feeling for a man who always knows exactly where he’s going.”

She felt tears beginning to sting the backs of her eyelids. She wanted to take him into her arms. He was such an expert at so many things, and so hopeless when it came to affairs of the heart. Clearly, he needed her.

“I’ve never experienced anything like this, and I’ve experienced a lot of things, believe me. But never this. Never...anything like you. You’re the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the morning and the last thought in my head before I fall asleep. Don’t misunderstand me, the lost feeling isn’t all misery,” he amended. “There is also, when I’m with you, a wonderful joy. If I fought for you too hard, Daphne, it’s only because I didn’t want to lose this, or lose you. I’ve never had this before, you see. You’ve opened up new doors in me that...Oh, God, I sound absolutely ridiculous.” He shut his eyes and turned away. “Would you just shoot me now and be done with it, please?”

“I don’t want to shoot you.” The tears she had been fighting now rose to blur her vision. “And I don’t think you sound ridiculous at all.” She sat down weakly on a nearby hay bale since her legs felt too shaky to hold her up much longer.

“Well.” Max opened his eyes and stood with his hands propped on his waist, his head down. “For some reason,” he said in a low and heavy tone, “I thought you were feeling the same way. But then last night, you told me we were through. I did not understand. I still don’t.” His shoulders lifted in a weary shrug. “I don’t know what else to do or say to win you. I’ve tried everything I know, and obviously, nothing’s worked. Last night, when I saw I was really losing you, I guess I lost control.”

“Well, Max, yes, but I saw how Albert kept trying to provoke you,” she offered cautiously. “We both know you could have done a great deal worse to all three of the Carew brothers, if you had wanted to.”

He shrugged, avoiding her gaze. “I promised you once that I’d never permit any man to insult you in my presence, which he did. All the same, I should have dealt with him later, not in front of you. Eh, enough of all this,” he declared, as though waving off the dangerous emotions that filled the air between them. “I am not making excuses. You were right to be rid of me, and that’s the end of it. I just wanted to say, mainly, that I am sorry for all the different ways I’ve tried...to pressure you into doing what I want. What matters is what you want.”

He took a deep breath and forged on bravely. “Whatever you decide for me, I will accept. If you just want a friend, that is what I’ll be. If you never want to speak to me again, I’ll stay away. If all you want is an attack dog to deal with any fool who might ever bother you, just let me know. I will respect your wishes no matter what you choose. Your happiness, Miss Starling, is my only remaining concern.”

***Full credits to Gaelen Foley in "My Wicked Marquess".

His Life

"You don't get it do you?!" He screamed in her face, hating the way her anguish was so clearly etched for him to see. He hated seeing her in pain. And he hated even more knowing that he was causing it. But he was at his wit's end - she was driving him insane, as she had been doing for years.

"Get what, Alex?" She whispered hoarsely, her throat parched from having run after him so far.

Alex let out a howl of frustration. "Just leave me alone, Kayleigh, OK?"

"No! I won't! This has to stop, Alex! What the hell is wrong with you?"

He laughed maniacally. What was wrong with him? Was she kidding? He shook his head, trying to clear the pain in his chest and moved to pick up his bag from the ground.

"Just go, Kayleigh," he said bitterly. Hoisting his bag back on his shoulders, he turned his back to her and walked away without another word.

What the hell? Kayleigh felt like tearing her hair out.

"Alex!" She called harshly.

He ignored her, and walked even faster.

"ALEX! Come back and tell me what the fuck is going on! ALEX!" She shouted, mindless of the late hour. Her best friend since four was going - to God knows where - without giving her so much as an explanation. Her best friend, who had been acting like a jerk for the past few months. Her best friend, who she was secretly in love with. Damn him if she was going to let him get away with this.

Taking several gulps of deep breaths to calm herself, she kicked off into a run and went straight for his back. She tackled him into the ground, felling them both, her on top of him.

"Ow! What the fuck? Kayleigh!" He groaned, trying to get her off of him. But all he managed was to shift position so that he now lay on his back. He glared murderously at the stubborn girl who was keeping him from getting up. What was her game now?

But Kayleigh always gave as good as she gets. She glared right back at him.

Alex could only hold her gaze, captivated as always by her baby-blues. Then, it seemed she couldn't hold it in anymore - the dam broke.

Goddammit. She was crying on him! Damn her for resorting to this - she knew he could never handle her tears.

Alex shut his eyes tight, trying to block the sight of her face all crumpled. God help him, he still found her beautiful. As if on their own accord, his arms went around her protectively and pushed her face to his chest.

She cried harder.

He looked up to the black sky in despair, cursing himself for cowering to his weakness. Tightening his arms around her, he pressed a soft kiss to her temple. "Kayleigh?" He whispered.

She pressed her face even more to his chest, uncaring that she's getting his shirt all wet. She couldn't seem to stop crying.

"Kayleigh?" He whispered again, kissing her forehead. "Come on Kay," he coaxed softly, gently petting her hair.

She gasped uncontrollably at his touch, trying to steady her breathing. She shifted slightly, then buried her face in his neck, and started to cry all over again.

Alex's heart constricted at the sounds. "Kay, come on now," he whispered.

He felt her arms gripping him tightly, as if afraid he will disappear if she didn't.

Then, feeling a butterfly-soft touch on his neck, he stilled. Did she just...?

"Don't leave me, Alex," he heard her cry hoarsely, pressing more soft kisses on his neck, as if to convince him with the gesture.

He didn't reply, only hugging her tighter to him. God, how he loved her.

*photo by: ~onephotonerd

***random writing again, on a rainy Sunday afternoon - while I'm supposed to be working.
This one is definitely full of angst.

Let You Go

And if somebody tells you
You're not enough
If somebody tells you
You're not good enough

If somebody tells you this,
It isn't just
Just, I'm burning out
And I'm calling all the bluffs

I don't wanna let you go
But the weather changes like your mind
And I don't wanna give you up
But I might this time
Hope the new grass you seek
Is greener than the greenest green
And if it's not, or if it is
I just hope you'll be
At peace

*by: the talented Bryce Avary who fronts and mans The Rocket Summer

The Most Wonderful

Ally woke up to the quiet sound of Trent saying her name. She opened her eyes to find him looking down at her, silhouetted by the sunlight pouring into the room.

"Morning, beautiful," he said, kissing her forehead softly.

"What time is it?"

"8:30."

Ally groaned and squeezed her eyes closed. "Why'd you wake me up?"

"Because," he began, grabbing her arms and pulling her up. "I want to show you something."

"Can't it wait?"

"Nope."

Ally let out a whimper and slid out of bed, wrapping a blanket tightly around herself. She looked up at Trent to find him standing right in front of her. With a smile, he put a hand over her eyes.

"I couldn't let you miss this," Trent whispered into her ear, slowly walking her across the room.

Ally tensed up as they stepped outside and the cold air kissed her bare shoulders. The wood beneath her bare feet was also cold, leading her to believe that they were on a dock or balcony of some sort.

"You're going to love this," Trent said, stopping her. He put an arm around her and held her tightly against him. "Ready?" But he didn't wait for her to answer; he just pulled his hand away from her eyes.

Ally's breath stilled in her lungs when she saw the gorgeous sight in front of her. It was a gorgeous lake – the color of aquamarine – that was surrounded by pine trees and snowy mountains. "Wow," Ally breathed. "It's... beautiful."

Trent rested his chin on her shoulder and stared out at the lake with her. "We came here a lot when I was a kid."

"Where are we?"

"Lake Tahoe."

"Is this the house he left you?"

"Uh huh."

"It's so beautiful here."

"I know. It's strangely addicting too."

Ally kissed him on the cheek. "I wouldn't mind coming back."

"If that's what you want then that's what we'll do."

"I love that you do what I say," Ally giggled quietly.

"I aim to please."

full credits to Vanderhall in "The Sophomore Season"

Put your head on my shoulder - I can carry you

Her heart felt like it had run an olympic marathon. It always does - whenever he's around. Never the steady beating as is normal, his presence always ensured to make it so. But she didn't care if he knew. He probably already did. And she didn't care that it made her unstable. This is one of those small matters she'd gladly bear. But what she couldn't take is the way they now stood, and the way he refuses to look at her.

How did it ever come to this? She desperately wanted to know.

Not knowing whether she will regret what she is about to do, but figuring she didn't have anything to lose - she took that last step and stood right before him.

Slowly, carefully, she placed her palms on his cheeks and forced him to look into her eyes. Letting him see the truth. Finally.

by: *sil-enigma

***A little vignette, a continuation of the last time I posted something random like this. Didn't turn out too bad I think, but definitely needs work.

Believe in What You Want

Well don't bother going through, your motions
Nothing that makes sense ever works out
And don't kid yourself you know, they want money
...
Spinning and spinning, do you believe in what you want?
Dancing in plastic shapes of snow
Do you believe in what you want?

Put your trust in simple lust
Make your fliers and get them up all over town
But don't kid yourself you know, it's for money
...

Spinning and spinning, do you believe in what you want?

***Disclaimer: "Believe in What You Want" by Jimmy Eat World

If I am

"If I am" by Nine Days is my favourite song for all time. I love John Hampson's vocals...the way he weaves his lyrics...so flawless. I can't ever get tired of hearing this song.

My brother asked me one day while we were listening to it in the car - how I'd feel if a guy sang it to me. Right now I can't remember what I said in answer exactly, but I know that it's the message behind the song that'd truly pull me in.

I post the lyrics below so you'll understand why.

So you're standin on the ledge
It looks like you might fall
Its so far down
Or maybe you were thinkin about jumpin
Now you could have it all
If you learned a little patience
For though I cannot fly
I'm not content to crawl
So give me a little credit
Have in me a little faith
I wanna be with you forever
If tomorrow's not too late
But its always too late when you got nothin
So you say
You should never let the sun set on tomorrow
Before the sun rises today

If I am
Another waste of everything you dreamed of
I will let you down
If I am
Only here to watch you as you suffer
I will let you down

So you're walkin on the edge
And you wait your turn to fall
But you're so far gone
That you don't see the hands upheld to catch you
And you could find the fault
In the heart that you've been handed
For though you cannot fly
You're not content to crawl
And its always too late when you got nothin
So you say
But we should never let the sun set on tomorrow
Before the sun rises

If I am
Another waste of everything you hoped for
I will let you down
If I am
Only here to watch you as you suffer
I will let you down

So you're standin on the ledge
It looks like you might fall

If I am
Another waste of everything you dreamed of
I will let you down
If I am
Only here to watch you as you suffer
I will let you down

The answers we find
Are never what we had in mind
So we make it up as we go along
You don't talk of dreams
Well I won't mention tomorrow
And we won't make those promises that we can't keep

I will never leave you
I will not let you down
I will never leave you
I will not let you down

Keep Away the Bagpipes

He bared his teeth in a scowl. How dare the woman say something so ludicrous about herself. "You are perfect just the way you are and anyone who says otherwise needs to swing from a pike. I am simply unsure this neighbor of yours can appreciate you."

Her shoulders relaxed, and the lines around her lips softened. "You've never even met him, so how do you know what he's like?"

"I need not meet him to know he is a coward. Why has he not beaten down your door and demanded that I leave?"

She rolled her eyes. "He doesn't know you're here."

"Such a thing would not stop me from claiming what is mine."

"That's the most illogical thing I have ever heard. Besides, this is America. We do not beat down doors."

"Over the centuries I have learned that origins matter naught. If a man has not the bravery to fight for his woman, then he is no man at all."

*full credits to Gena Showalter