Once Upon A Time, There Was The Perfect Man

He paused. “I am not in the habit, Daphne, of wearing my heart on my sleeve, if you’ll pardon me. If the reasons I have given for wanting you have not rung true, as you say, that’s probably because what I feel for you scares the hell out of me.”

She did her best to absorb his words in wonder. “You, scared?” she murmured, still in doubt. He never seemed afraid of anything.

He nodded slowly. “I’ve been trying to give myself sane, logical reasons for this...obsession you’ve cast over me. Trying to tell myself it’s just a simple, practical match, for the sake of producing heirs. Nothing to be alarmed about. But that’s not the truth of how I feel.”

“How do you feel, Max?” she prompted in a soft tone.

For a long moment, he considered, as though peering gingerly into himself. “Lost. Daphne...this is not an easy feeling for a man who always knows exactly where he’s going.”

She felt tears beginning to sting the backs of her eyelids. She wanted to take him into her arms. He was such an expert at so many things, and so hopeless when it came to affairs of the heart. Clearly, he needed her.

“I’ve never experienced anything like this, and I’ve experienced a lot of things, believe me. But never this. Never...anything like you. You’re the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the morning and the last thought in my head before I fall asleep. Don’t misunderstand me, the lost feeling isn’t all misery,” he amended. “There is also, when I’m with you, a wonderful joy. If I fought for you too hard, Daphne, it’s only because I didn’t want to lose this, or lose you. I’ve never had this before, you see. You’ve opened up new doors in me that...Oh, God, I sound absolutely ridiculous.” He shut his eyes and turned away. “Would you just shoot me now and be done with it, please?”

“I don’t want to shoot you.” The tears she had been fighting now rose to blur her vision. “And I don’t think you sound ridiculous at all.” She sat down weakly on a nearby hay bale since her legs felt too shaky to hold her up much longer.

“Well.” Max opened his eyes and stood with his hands propped on his waist, his head down. “For some reason,” he said in a low and heavy tone, “I thought you were feeling the same way. But then last night, you told me we were through. I did not understand. I still don’t.” His shoulders lifted in a weary shrug. “I don’t know what else to do or say to win you. I’ve tried everything I know, and obviously, nothing’s worked. Last night, when I saw I was really losing you, I guess I lost control.”

“Well, Max, yes, but I saw how Albert kept trying to provoke you,” she offered cautiously. “We both know you could have done a great deal worse to all three of the Carew brothers, if you had wanted to.”

He shrugged, avoiding her gaze. “I promised you once that I’d never permit any man to insult you in my presence, which he did. All the same, I should have dealt with him later, not in front of you. Eh, enough of all this,” he declared, as though waving off the dangerous emotions that filled the air between them. “I am not making excuses. You were right to be rid of me, and that’s the end of it. I just wanted to say, mainly, that I am sorry for all the different ways I’ve tried...to pressure you into doing what I want. What matters is what you want.”

He took a deep breath and forged on bravely. “Whatever you decide for me, I will accept. If you just want a friend, that is what I’ll be. If you never want to speak to me again, I’ll stay away. If all you want is an attack dog to deal with any fool who might ever bother you, just let me know. I will respect your wishes no matter what you choose. Your happiness, Miss Starling, is my only remaining concern.”

***Full credits to Gaelen Foley in "My Wicked Marquess".

The Darkest of All

The black night was missing stars to spark the sky. No lamp posts to light his way, only the bare glimmer of the moon which was marred by the presence of smoky clouds. And it has been like this as of late. But he was immune to the seeming lack of life in his surroundings. He could feel nothing.

Alex continued to drag his feet along the stone pavements, leaning slightly on his cane as the burden of his knee kept him from walking any faster. The tight compress on his chest still constricting his insides, as it had ever since she left. He tasted poison with every breath, and breathed acid with every intake of air to his lungs. Gripping his cane harshly, he shut his eyes tight - fighting to keep away the tears he knew would fall.

He shouldn't have let her go.

*** Another random writing straight off of my head.

The Most Wonderful

Ally woke up to the quiet sound of Trent saying her name. She opened her eyes to find him looking down at her, silhouetted by the sunlight pouring into the room.

"Morning, beautiful," he said, kissing her forehead softly.

"What time is it?"

"8:30."

Ally groaned and squeezed her eyes closed. "Why'd you wake me up?"

"Because," he began, grabbing her arms and pulling her up. "I want to show you something."

"Can't it wait?"

"Nope."

Ally let out a whimper and slid out of bed, wrapping a blanket tightly around herself. She looked up at Trent to find him standing right in front of her. With a smile, he put a hand over her eyes.

"I couldn't let you miss this," Trent whispered into her ear, slowly walking her across the room.

Ally tensed up as they stepped outside and the cold air kissed her bare shoulders. The wood beneath her bare feet was also cold, leading her to believe that they were on a dock or balcony of some sort.

"You're going to love this," Trent said, stopping her. He put an arm around her and held her tightly against him. "Ready?" But he didn't wait for her to answer; he just pulled his hand away from her eyes.

Ally's breath stilled in her lungs when she saw the gorgeous sight in front of her. It was a gorgeous lake – the color of aquamarine – that was surrounded by pine trees and snowy mountains. "Wow," Ally breathed. "It's... beautiful."

Trent rested his chin on her shoulder and stared out at the lake with her. "We came here a lot when I was a kid."

"Where are we?"

"Lake Tahoe."

"Is this the house he left you?"

"Uh huh."

"It's so beautiful here."

"I know. It's strangely addicting too."

Ally kissed him on the cheek. "I wouldn't mind coming back."

"If that's what you want then that's what we'll do."

"I love that you do what I say," Ally giggled quietly.

"I aim to please."

full credits to Vanderhall in "The Sophomore Season"

Only Stirred and Not Shaken

Do you hear them, dearest? The strains that lulls you in and dusts flirty air on your face
So you’d take a moment and sleep, though only for a minute.
It will seem like an eternity.
For once you close your eyes, your vision and your heart
molds into one entity, and
you will be unable to decipher clearly:
the varied and most diverse set of reasons
but at this point in time none will matter
and I will let you be.

So can you hear them, dearest? Does the magic employed not repel desired results?
I am bewitched by your beauty - you have encased them in your insanity.
You convince that I live in square by square
When I tell you that the edges you believe, they do not exist
but you always make sense out of nonsense
you leave me bereft of all reason
or is it you who is lacking of wit?
I no longer know. And I am no longer sure I wish to know, anymore.

Are you with me, dearest? Have you long run past the line of common grounds?
You were always fond to remind of where you and I stand -
but frequent as of late I recall not whether it was ever truly drawn.
The smoked edges of your barricades have been faint for a while -
and I don’t recall it being there at all.

But worry not, my dear. Am only stirred, not shaken.
Am only jostled a little, but not thrown and no I'm not shaken
Only stirred.

*H.A., 14-15 April,2010.

He finds it painful to breathe

He stared at her with his lips just the slightest bit open, his gaze full of uncertainty and confusion. She who continually spins his world around, she who makes him fight for words, she who makes everything in his universe a nonsense. She whom he can't stop thinking of, whose wry grins and smirks fill his every bare moment - who makes it excruciatingly painful to breathe. She who stole his heart with that beautiful, sunny smile.

But that smile is nowhere to be seen on her face right now. When was the last time he had seen it? He can't recall. And he hated not knowing why.

"the break up" by Tazosh

*** random writing off of my head. I may explore this later - don't know yet for now.