Go Figure

A part of the world screams in agony from brutal hunger. A part of the world has been raped blind and without care. A part of the world faces death-threats daily. A part of the world has no roof they can call home. A part of the world is diseased with sickness so hideous. A part of the world knows not and recognizes not, God. A part of the world is deprived of the luxury of family. A part of the world has not the treasured friend. A part of the world cannot love. A part of the world does not know love. A part of the world observes not the rest of the world. A part of the world knows only high and no low. A part of the world cherishes that which will easily perish.
But I am not that part of the world. And for this single reason, I have no right to complain. I have no right to be upset. I have no right to be a cry-baby. For other parts of the world suffer fates much worse than I. And I am still able to call myself fortunate, for I can still count the blessings with which I have been gifted.

photo by: ~ Majagual

What it means to be free

The clock reads 2:27am, and I am wide awake still. 'Tis not unusual, for I am known for my bat-like habits. What is unusual is some of the major reasons why I am wide awake.

I am swimming in deep thoughts - occasionally going down under, and I'll come up for air, just to keep myself alive. The cool soothing water that floats by heals inner wounds, but I wasn't born with gills, and webbed my feet are not. So swim I must.

The music playing in the back ground is "New Heights" by A Fine Frenzy. Not exactly the most relaxed set of tunes to accompany me tonight, but somehow it fits nicely.

Random though this surely will be, I need to ask: what does it mean to be free?

Is it free from guilt? Free from burdens? Free to do anything one wants? Free to speak? Free to breathe? Free from slavery? What?

I don't believe its any of the above that sets the true definition for free.

After tonight, what I believe is that, to be free, is to be able to live, just as you are, and trust in the Almighty, that even after everything and what is yet to come, you'll be OK. You'll be alright.

Wherever life takes me vs. My take on life

I believe this is a common question among all of us. One that each and every human being ponders about once in a while, if not all the time. It relates to something which I've mentioned briefly before in my previous blogs: why we exist on earth.

Of course, this is going to be an endless debate and I'm probably never going to be satisfied with whatever answer is given to me, but I thought to lay down what has occurred to my mind on the subject for the sake of satisfying my hunger to type. (that's another story to be saved for another time)

On to the ideas then. First, about how we came to be.

Darwin.

He is of the opinion that everything in life undergoes a process called 'evolution', where every living being on this planet today, exists because they have survived the 'battle of the fittest'. I happen to disagree completely on his idea of evolution, because I don't think it makes a whit of sense. If indeed we are modern species that come from monkeys, my question is: why would they still exist if the modern ones are supposedly the ones who have survived?

In addition, my brain cannot give in to the idea that somewhere, some point in time, there was a 'big bang' that started the whole life cycle.

A friend of mine once said that this is all a circle, but I said to him: OK, so it's a circle. But if we liken that to drawing a circle on a piece of paper, one first has to press the tip of the pen/pencil on the paper, then draw the circle. The circle, I said, do not simply appear out of thin air from simple wanting or extraordinary desire that magically sprung the circle to life. This is why I believe that there has to be something big out there that started all this. And my tiny and limited capacity of brain could only settle with one answer: that there is a God out there.

The next question, is about why we are here.

Some say God put us here to worship Him, some say that we are all only players in a chess game, some of us born as bishops, kings, others only mere pawns, with God out there playing referee or watch, and some say this is a footie match where the outcome has been decided and all that we do have been arranged before and we only go with what has been foretold.

On that point though, it strikes me how true Darwin's notion on 'survival of the fittest' is.

Everyday, every moment, we battle to survive. For those working in offices, its either a matter of working yourself to death with the load being dumped on you, or quitting, or if you happen to be one of the lucky ones who is employed in a field that suits your interests, you simply enjoy it as it goes. But if we turn the pages carefully, it's a deeper and bigger battle than that. We battle, when we go to the shops, finding the items that we want and debating with ourselves on the importance of that item to our continuous functioning for the rest of the week or to have momentary satisfaction of either possessing that item or simple satisfaction of impulsive cravings. We battle, when we wake up, between hitting the 'snooze' button on our alarm clocks and rising up and shine to greet the day. We battle, when we fight with our friends, between having all our concerns pushed forward and their thoughts pushed back either because we think it's slightly or untrue or happens to be the very thing we don't want and don't need to hear, and being wiser and understanding for our own sake. We battle, when we are born lowly and have to strenuously strive to reach up to the stars. And even if we may think, or like to think that those born with a silver-spoon out their mouth don't battle for a single thing in life, they too battle, with how to deal with all the attention they have and find what it is they want out of life. Because at the end of the day, they will find that money is not enough.

Relating this with the title of this blog: wherever life takes me vs. my take on life, is it true then, that we are only puppets whose strings are in the hands of God? Do we not get a say in what to do or what to have or want? Having seen the battles that we face, and keeping in mind that we are, after all, endowed with brains which has to be of value somewhat, it looks like it's a balanced battle between the two options where none will come out as the winner save for a few occasions where one happens to overtake the other.

I think it's true that we are all given choices in life. That life is what you make of it, that you are what you make of yourself, that everything you see, hear, feel, are direct results of your choices. At the same time however, I also think it's true that where you have tried, and where you have thought over the things that you're battling with at the current time, you see a dead-end and can only act upon the only plausible conclusion you can find. And that, is where there isn't a choice to choose, where you no longer have a part in deciding what you want, where wherever you end up is no longer exploratory. So, wherever life takes me vs. my take on life? I guess we'll have to see.

And this is what I've come to settle with.

Beauty is only skin deep- according to the ugly people?

'Beauty is only skin deep' - everyone is familiar with that phrase. But I remember this character in this movie (I don't remember the bloody title but will get back to this asap) say: "that's just something ugly people say."
and I remember laughing after hearing it.

Does this mean I don't believe in the phrase?
Well, in simple words - my answer would have to be yes.
But, realistically speaking, I would say no.
Confused? So am I.

So OK, lets break this down.

BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP - "What you don't see is hidden under the skin and it may be more important than physical beauty. The proverb has been traced back to 'A Wife' (c.1613) by Thomas Overbury (1581-1613)." From the "Random House Dictionary of Popular Proverbs and Sayings" by Gregory Y. Titelman (Random House, New York, 1996).

I would say that the above quote, is idealistic. It holds truth, certainly. I believe a typical illustration would be the 'dumb blonde bombshell', or ___________(please insert your preferred phrase), where you have an unbelievably gorgeous specimen of homo sapiens, but a closer look (i.e. once you actually get down to having a conversation- or attempt to have a meager one, to say the least) reveals them to be shallow/stupid/arrogant/lives in cloud 9/etc - or all of those traits altogether.

I've experienced this firsthand, as I'm sure many of us do.

Don't you just hate it when people seem to enamored by this supposed enigma, when you know that the inside is nothing but a rotten egg? But honestly, what can you do? You either choose to suck it up, or wallow in your misery. If you have self-consciousness issues like me, then you too wallow in your misery. Why?
Because even though we'd love nothing else but the truth to come out, though there's nothing more we could want other than what that person is really, really, like on the inside to be seen by people who can see nothing but good because they only portray that side of them to certain people (me, you, people they feel threatened by, competed by, or whatever). Makes me sick.
And, since we're the only ones who know it, what good would saying anything do? Exactly.

I figure to just let it happen, because nobody would believe me anyway. They'd either think I'm making the shit up, or intentionally trying to make that person look bad, and then I'm the one they'd assume to be crap.
So instead of ending up with this notion - I let the bitches slay me alive.

I have a couple of friends who are pretty outspoken and doesn't let anybody bring them down - I've wished countless times that I had their guts. No matter what I seem to achieve, sometimes it's just that difficult for me to stand up for myself.

Back to being ugly.

Seriously and personally speaking, I truly go for 'beauty is only skin deep', because to me its the heart that really matters. Which is why I heartily detest the mass media for brainwashing women into thinking otherwise.
They convolute us into thinking that beauty equals skinny, thin women - and that anything bordering curvy is fat, hideous and ugly. Same goes for height - it's cool to be tall. Sucks to be short.
When the fuck will people realize that it's HEALTH that counts?

Nothing, nothing I say, will ever erase our human nature tendencies of looking to the neighbour's grass, which will always be greener, despite the nourishment and TLC we lay unto our own. It's a moot point.
Caucasians do their best to get tanned skin in the summer- and thrust themselves into tanning boothes in the winter, never mind it makes them look ghastly and off-putting. Asian women, specifically dark skinned ones believe that unless they're white, then they're not beautiful and not worth a glance from men - thanks to Pond's and Clinique and a host of other beauty products which advertise so on TV and every conceivable surface worthy of advertisement.
It's stupid.

I wish I live in a world where idealistic notions are not just that, notions - but forms the concrete foundation of society. Think of how many people would be happier with who they are instead of who they think they should be, what they should have, what they should do.

But then again, I don't live in that world. So realistically speaking - 'beauty is skin deep' will forever more remain to be fanciful notions. When people go for interviews - when people look for gf/bf - when people simply go out for crying out loud - it's the outer physique that gets the impression first and foremost.