feeling like so much crap

the title of this particular blog says it all really. I am, as of now, feeling like so much crap. Like shit, if I want to be crude about it. why?
well there's actually a couple of reasons as to why. but the main reason why I'm feeling like this, is because of this one person I know. for the sake of maintaining privacy and avoiding childish name-calling (as well as for my own personal security reason lest this blog gets read by the person itself or some untrustworthy other, I.E. protecting my BUTT from getting unnecessary and most definitely unwanted kicks), lets name this person 'X'.

so I met X today, my heart beating erratically as it always does whenever the occasion, as this one, forces me to come face to face with X, as X is a person I must say I do not particularly like, and can certainly say that I harbor a rather strong dislike for. and I didn't meet X alone, no. but with a couple of other people who had to be there too.
the meeting started off well enough, X giving out X's trademark dry jokes to which all of us painfully forced a laugh at, and like I had predicted only too well a couple of days ago since I got X's call summoning me to meet X , the meeting then went downhill. horribly so.
X lectured about ethics, how it was imprudent for us students to go off on a particular trip, bearing the faculty's name and all, but not letting some people who needed to be told know about us going on said trip. about my failure to notify said people. questioned the most recent team who went abroad for one of such strips who failed to pay a visit to X before leaving, never mind letting the other people know, about how X has not received my organization's timetable, which I'm telling you now, was not my fault since the person I had delegated the duty to had performed disgustingly unwell by derelicting his duty, for the umpteenth time, down the drain, leaving me to bear all the flipping blame which shouldn't be borne by me at all.
and then X carried on about ethics again, X ever carefully phrasing X's sentences and elaborating his point in such a way as to not say expressly but expressly implying X's contention and personal view I've no doubt, of my person, that I, the bloody so-called best oralist is in possession of an uncaring nature, certain disrespect for elders, or rather, for particular people that I should pay more specific attention to, by assuming and judging opinionatedly of my behavior and relationships, by X saying this and that bla bla bla, which though perhaps had a lining of truth somewhere in it was still nevertheless unjust, unfair, and plausibly untrue for the most part.
and if I were to make this long story short, what it comes down to is X successfully made me feel low, downtrodden heart-wrenchingly degraded, and like I was the biggest pile of shit who ever had the grace to be wasted on this godforsaken planet.

I can readily enough, though perhaps somewhat reluctant, submit to the fact that X had good intentions. (with hidden agenda of course. doh.) and I can just as well readily agree to some of X's points.
but I just hated, the way X chose to address the painstaking issue, where I felt cornered and defenseless, where now that I come to think of it, I in fact have some reasons to explain, not justify, those actions and situations which were partial to his dislike.
I did my best not to shed tears before him and other people who were present who would then bear witness to my weakness (yeah, I have an unfortunately humongous ego which I sometimes resent to the largest extent), but as soon as I got home, on a speeding frenzy and myself probably became the numero uno reason to a number of drivers' rising emotions whom I carelessly honked at quite barbarically along the way., I bawled my eyes out like some four year-old who just had her lollipop brutally taken out of her hands.

it's only natural of course, then, for me to choose posting this blog in blue, it being the color of the day.

and after all this ranting, I haven't even come to the other reason why I'm feeling like crap: I have ticketing problems for my due flight to Egypt in two days. but now I haven't the energy to rant about that too, so I'll save it for another time, unless this reason in the near future is solved and as a result becomes nonexistent.